So, yesterday didn't start out the greatest. Brian found out late Thursday night that he had to go out of town for the weekend for a job. I absolutely hate when he's gone overnight. I know, I know, big sobs from the army wives and single mothers. :) But it still stinks. I love sleeping next to my man and I don't sleep well at all when he's gone. Plus, well, you know it's fun and great being with the kids all week long, but I am definitely ready for another adult to be in the house over the weekend. For physical help, moral support, fun outing ideas, etc. So I started the day with sort of a dreadful spirit hanging over the air. Not to mention we had had a little disagreement before bed the night before; we made up and weren't really still mad at each other, it was just still kind of hanging in the air and I was feeling terrible about it. I was still having a bit of a pity party when Brian called me from out of town right in the middle of our school day to ask me to go by his office and do payroll and get everybody's checks to the bank. I thought, I hope he appreciates me. I'm stopping all that I'm doing to get his paperwork done. It's not easy getting five kids out, much less to do stuff like this. I got to his office and went inside to do everybody's payroll according to his instructions. The first thing that caught my eye was his Bible, open right there in the middle of his desk. Next to his computer was a picture of us. On his wall was a picture Allie had drawn. Suddenly I had put myself in his shoes and saw life from his perspective. This is where he comes every day to work hard and provide for our family. He puts so much of himself into this company. As I was writing out our paycheck, I thought about the fact that every dime he makes, goes straight into keeping a roof over our heads and food on our table. Truly. This man doesn't spend money on himself. He gives and gives and constantly looks for ways to give some more- to his family, his friends, others in need. What a small sacrifice- to stop my day for a few minutes and help him with this awesome task. Isn't that my job, anyway? To be a helpmeet? I'm supposed to be making his life easier, not expecting him to be my helpmeet. I praised the Lord all the way home for my amazing husband. You see, the disagreement we had had was about money. I'm not the most organized bill payer in the world. I had cost us some money and I thought it unfair that he was upset about it. I've got so much on my plate, I thought. I realized while writing out everybody's checks that part of my job as his wife and helpmeet is to be responsible with every dime. He works hard to make it and then expects me to steward it responsibly. I got inspired to look for ways I can be a better steward of our money.
We talked on the phone last night and he was so wonderful about it. But he asked me, "Are you going to community tomorrow?" We are care group leaders in our Sunday school class at church. One Saturday a month, our care group does some sort of community work together. Today we were helping to clean up the church. It was going to be hard work- washing walls, dusting, vaccuming, etc. I was like, How can I go with my five kids and no husband to help me watch them? I can't believe he still wants me to go when he's out of town! Yes, I realize it was a terrible attitude. See, Brian is like the most giving, generous, helpful person alive. He would quite literally give you the shirt off his back. And at times, I have begrudged him for it. He's all the time wanting to help others, even when it's super inconvenient. When the tornadoes hit back in April, I was 7 months pregnant, with four other children to care for, one who wasn't walking yet, and he was out helping everybody in the neighborhood and beyond. He was volunteering to chop down trees and offering our generator to all our neighbors, cooking on the camp stove for parties in the evenings. About day three, I told him how unfair I thought it was that we were "stuck" at home while he was out helping everybody. But our neighbors were so blessed by it. And really, when I let go of my attitude, so was I. I am so proud to be with a Superman. :) As well, there are times when community is inconvenient on a Saturday and if it were up to me, we might skip a lot. But Brian always says we are going, and I always always get so blessed by it. Today was no different. I thought of what Brian would want us to do. I decided to take the kids, show up at the church with a bucket, soap and washrags and my babies, and do what I could. And I got such an unbelievable blessing from it. The kids played and had a wonderful time. They even got washrags and helped for much of the time. We washed dirt and germs off walls. It felt SO NICE to give back to the church that has given so much to us. We listened to praise and worship music, we fellowshipped, we worked side by side as a family. It was fun. What else would the kids and I have done this morning? Nothing as inspiring as that, I promise. There was such joy from working and giving and reaching out together.
And so this time, inspiration hit when I was just trying to survive a menial task, even with a sour attitude. I'm so glad God hasn't given up on me yet and still thinks I'm worth inspiring to better, higher things. And that He put me with a man who lovingly, patiently challenges me to be my very best.