Waiting on something to happen is NOT one of my strong points. I was impatient the last few weeks of pregnancy with Allie. With the other three girls- Maggie, Penelope, and Rosemary- I scheduled an induction for 39 weeks because of my impatience and my desire to control things. With all three, I went in a few days before the scheduled induction and was having mild contractions, so each time my doctor went ahead and administered pitocin, broke my water, etc to help me go ahead and have the baby that day. Maybe that's why I've never had a baby that was a full 7 pounds. :)
This time, from the very beginning, I've felt convicted that I needed to let go of my need to control things. God has obviously been in charge from the very beginning, as I didn't even know I was ovulating when Samuel was conceived. This pregnancy took me completely by surprise. Now I've watched Samuel grow in the hidden places of the womb, where only God could see, for nine months. Prenatal vitamins have made me sick, so I haven't been able to take them consistently. I've had nausea and food aversions that have kept me from having a good diet. I can take absolutely no credit for the fact that from all appearances Samuel is perfectly healthy and bigger than any of my other babies. I've simply been a vessel for carrying him while God has been doing all the work. At this point, it would seem a slap in the face of a wonderful God to think that I know best when he should arrive. The last few days, I've been walking and doing everything under the sun I've ever heard that would naturally induce labor, and he still isn't here. Obviously God knows Samuel's birthday better than I do. When I was praying last night, I felt God's still small voice reminding me gently, "My ways are higher than your ways, Julie. Relinquish your need to control. I have a good plan here, a plan to prosper you and Sam and not to harm you. Trust me for the timing, for I am the One who sees Sam and knows him. Just rest in my ability to take care of both of you. As your days, so shall your strength be."
So I'm resting in that promise from Deuteronomy today- as my days, so shall my strength be. And I'm deciding NOT to take matters into my own hands concerning Samuel's arrival, but to trust God to do it in His perfect timing. What joy, what strength, what peace comes from trusting in God's sovereignty.