My back aches. Constantly. I still have contractions often, even on the medication. Oh wait, probably because I can't keep the medicine down. I'm so nauseated that swallowing those big orange pills often makes me throw up within minutes of taking them. Just taking a shower wears me out. I can't sleep because I can't get comfortable. When I do finally get in a comfortable position, either the contractions start up or Sam kicks or punches me in the side. When he finally gets settled down, I have to get up to pee again. If I do anything active- I mean anything like changing a diaper- I start contracting again. Uggghhhh!!!!!
I think I have a classic case of the Bed Rest Blues. I'm realizing how hard it is for me to let go of control. Control of the condition of my house, since there's not much I can do in the way of cleaning or laundry or meals right now. Control of the care of my children, since I can't take them to the Botanical Gardens or the library or for a walk around the neighborhood right now. Control of the outcome of this pregnancy, since Samuel is really in God's hands. Of course I'm doing all I can to keep him in there incubating for at least another week or two, and I'm coaxing him to keep turning head down. But ultimately, those things are all in God's hands. I keep having to put them back in His hands and trust that His plan for right now is way better than mine. God is always up to something Wonderful. :)
Some dear friends took me to lunch at my favorite lunch place- Shea's Express- on Friday. They gathered around me at the end and prayed a beautiful prayer for two specific things: for Samuel to be in the right position for me to give birth vaginally, and for him not to be born before God has completely developed all his parts to thrive outside the womb. I felt such a peace after they prayed. Those are the desires of my heart, and I keep asking God to grant those things each day. But God has also taken me to a place of surrender to Him, that if everything goes opposite from what I desire: He's born too early, by c-section, and has to go to the NICU, and breastfeeding gets off to a terrible start: that God is still sovereign, God is still working out all things for good, and it will still be fine. In the end, if nothing goes "as planned", praise God that He has given us a son. A son named Samuel: "For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted what I asked of Him." A blessing, a gift, a heritage, a reward. Whether he comes the way I want him to or not. Praise God.
(Side note: it's so interesting to me that as developed as we are in the world of medicine, and as high-tech as our NICUs are these days, there is absolutely no way to mimic what goes on inside the womb. God has a mysterious and wonderful way of caring perfectly for a baby in it's mother's womb. All the conditions are superior for life and growth and development in there. Our best efforts, years worth of research by genius doctors, still cannot hold a candle to the womb. Fascinating! What an awesome God!)
My friends presented me with a gift card to A Nurturing Moment (yay! Love that store!), a huge bottle of More Milk Plus (herbal supplement for producing lots of milk!), and these beautiful flowers. Check out the card, I love it:
We continue to get delicious meals brought randomly from friends, neighbors, and family. I haven't bought groceries in weeks and our fridge is FULL! Yesterday, Brian's aunts Faye and Carolyn came over for a few hours. They brought enough food for a Thanksgiving feast, PLUS some casseroles to freeze and heat up later. After we ate lunch, they started cleaning up the kitchen, doing loads of laundry, including everyone's bed sheets. I will admit, it's so hard to not be the one doing all of that. Why is it so hard to let someone do something nice for you?? Faye, who is a wonderful seamstress and has made all the girls beautiful blankets, made this sweet blanket for baby Sam:
What I have to do is keep reminding myself of a few essential things: 1)It's not about me right now, it's about Samuel. Just because I can feel my butt turning to mush as I continue to sit on the couch, just because it hurts my heart not to be able to lift up my babies when they want their Momma, just because I want to be Superwoman and I can't, that's okay. Samuel is the one who matters right now. Getting him here healthy and whole is the goal. 2)In the grand scheme of life, this is really such a short time. It will be over before I know it and I will be holding my precious son. Check out these sweet sights that keep me focused on the goal:
The soft blankets that will hold him and the cute little cloth diapers that will pamper his bottom. :)
The clothes my little Samuel Pearson Rodgers will wear. . .
His bath towel- such a sweet reminder that Jesus loves Sam! Right now, Jesus loves Sam! "He's got the little tiny baby in His hands, He's got the little tiny baby in His hands, He's got the little tiny baby in His hands, He's got the whole world in His hands. . . "
My precious polka-dotted girls dressed up for church this morning. No, it's not the best picture of any of them, but my Penelope Delia was not in a posing mood. At least I got the edge of her dress in it so you could see the polka dots. :) I can only imagine how Sam will fit in with all of this. He is in for quite a ride. :)
30 more days? Bring it on. . .
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