But I'm beginning to see it as a beautiful beginning of something NEW He is doing in my heart. A wilderness He knew he could take me to and spread a table there for me (Psalm 78:19). A table where He Himself is the feast, where He alone is the delicacy. Where all I can really do is rely on Him. I have no other options.
"But the LORD will arise over you, and HIS glory will be seen upon you." -Isaiah 60:2
"The Lord will be very gracious to you at the sound of your cry; When He hears it, He will answer you." -Isaiah 30:19
"For the Lord will go before you, and the God of Israel will be your rear guard." -Isaiah 52:12
"No weapon formed against you shall prosper." -Isaiah 54:17
"The Lord will command His lovingkindness toward me in the daytime, and in the night His song shall be with me." -Psalm 42:8
The King of Glory chose to dwell among His people, tabernacling with them "throughout ALL their journeys." -Exodus 40:34-38
The Lord has brought some really beautiful things out of this journey already. I've been reminded of what amazing friends I have. Look at these lovely acts of kindness!
Saturday a special friend came to visit me. I was telling her how much I longed to have energy again, to be up and normal and doing all the active things I love to do. I'm so thankful she didn't just wallow in the self pity with me. She said, "Why do you have to be so strong?" and I said, "I don't know, it's what I've always been able to be. I like it. It's who I am. It's what I do." She said, "Well, that was then. God is doing a NEW thing now. Embrace it." Since then I've been thinking about this new thing He is doing and how I can embrace it instead of fighting it. Isaiah 43:19 says, "See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 62:2 says, "You will be called by a new name which the Lord Himself will utter." I think He continues to utter Surrender and Dependence over me, even as I am screaming Strength and Self-Reliance. 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 comes to mind. "But He said unto me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness. . . . Therefore will I more gladly boast in my infirmities. . . For when I am weak, then am I strong." Maybe the "new" me is weak. So that He can be strong and powerful in my life.
So for now, we're "doing school" in Mommy's bed. The kids all seem to LOVE it. They each get quality one on one time with Momma. Something I have often been "too busy" to do.
My wonderful husband has been busy making a coat rack for the mud room out of horseshoes :), and a sliding barn door for the milking shed, in addition to running a business and taking care of his out-of-commission wife. He is pretty amazing.
I lamented to him this morning that he was having to pick up so much slack lately. I was promising that as soon as I could, I would help out. He said something lovely and brilliant. :) "You're doing something I can't ever do just while you're sitting there. You're making my child." :) Good man. :)