More Thoughts on Surrender, Or, My Life is a Series of Object Lessons :)

My life has become a series of object lessons from God.

This morning I got a text from a near and dear friend whom I love, asking me to pray because she might be having a miscarriage. I was brought back to my own miscarriage and the lessons God was teaching me through it. Basically I had thought I was just a super fertile, baby-making machine and had developed a little bit of pride (surprise!) over it. Until the day I was 12 weeks pregnant and began to bleed. We went to the doctor to see the baby we had seen at 8 weeks, still there, only this time with no heartbeat. We were devastated. God taught me the lesson that changed my whole mind about having babies. I realized that day that GOD is in control of my fertility and that I will only have as many babies as He allows me to have, when He allows me to have them. HIS number of children, on HIS timeline. I am powerless. I cannot make a baby anymore than I can hang the moon. We surrendered our family planning to the Lord that day, and I am still reminding myself that if He wants us to have five, we will only have five. If He gives us ten, we will have ten. When He gives them to us, how He gives them to us. I cannot assume that because I have been blessed with fertility this far, that He will continue blessing me indefinitely. It's all up to Him.

I was praying for my friend and wishing so much I could hug her, when Maggie shouted, "OUCH!!!!!!! Momma this thing is on my belly and it HURTS!!!" I went to check it out and there, right where her pants touch below her belly button, was a TICK. He was burrowing himself deep into my baby's body. I kind of freaked. I tried calling my Daddy, who is a veterinarian and knows about things like ticks, but he didn't answer. I called my sweet husband, who told me to remain calm and get the matches. REMAIN CALM AND GET THE MATCHES?? Are you kidding me??? I said never mind, we are all getting in the car and coming to you to get this tick out. Brian calmly reminded me that if we didn't get the tick out, she could die. Yeah. That was a great thought. Hey don't worry about it or anything, but she could die. I got everybody in the car as quickly as I could and started praying. Hard. Lord, I know I just told You this weekend that I was going to hold my children loosely. I know I just surrendered them to You because I love them so much they can become idols if I'm not careful. But come on! Are you really going to take my baby?? And a TICK??? COME ON!!!! Of course, we got to Brian's office, he fearlessly and wondrously did his thing with the matches (okay so Brian can totally become an idol too if I'm not careful. I do tend to think he's awesome. :)), and my baby was saved from the tick. She happily ate her M & Ms as a treat for being brave. When Penelope said she wished she could get a tick so she could have some M & Ms, Maggie let her know in no uncertain terms that a tick was NOT worth a couple of M & Ms. :)

We were driving home, when Penelope said, "Honk the horn Momma! I want to hear it! Honk it!" Since we were driving down the Parkway, I explained to Penelope that you couldn't just honk the horn anytime you wanted. Honking the horn is fine if you have to, and cars need to have a horn for emergencies, but you can't just honk the horn whenever. It affects other people around you when you honk your horn. God said, "Just like the horn, you can't just do what you want either. You can't just honk your horn just because it's not 'wrong' or because there are times when it's okay. It affects other people. There are times to honk your horn and times to be quiet." Hmmmm. I could really apply this one to so many things.

I was still determined to go to the Y and work out this morning, although God had spoken to me about that too recently. I went home and got everybody's clothes for the Y since Samuel was the only one I had dressed completely before rushing out to Brian's office. I got my workout clothes and everybody's clothes except Samuels'. We headed to the YMCA, I changed everybody's clothes in the car, got everybody except Samuel out of the car. I reached in to get Samuel and. . . poo poo got all over my arm. He had pooped all through his diaper, it was spilling out of his clothes and had even seeped into the crevices of the seatbelt. Yes that kind of poop. And I didnt' have any clothes for him. Okay Lord I get it. We're not going to the Y today. I loaded everybody back into the car and came home, taking the hint that today just wasn't the day for working out.

Yes, my life has become a series of object lessons. . .